Typically, I delete the "patriotic" emails I get from well-meaning friends and relatives. They don't read my blog so they may not be aware of how left-leaning I really am. It amazes me that the right-wing writers of these things always seem to assume they are the only ones who love their country. Today I received one of these from my mom's email address, and with July 4th around the corner, I decided to have some fun.
Below is the email with my commentary in red:
I Am the Liberal-Progressive, YOUR worst nightmare.
I am an American, too. So far we're in agreement?
I am a master out-of-work sales professional and believe in people.
I drive a Ford Focus and applaud the fact that you ride a Harley Davidson. It helps with our energy dependence on foreign countries. Do you drive it year round? If you do, it's nice that you live somewhere where the climate is warmer. Of course, before long we all will, unless we start driving vehicles with better mileage and using mass transit.
I am a proud American taxpayer, who helps pay for roads, bridges, schools, law enforcement and those less fortunate than myself.I also pay the salary and medical expenses for the brave men and women of our armed forces who defend my liberty. A true patriot is happy to pay for these things.
Me, too, I guess. Just remember, though, if you touch your feelings too often people will begin to talk.
It's your right to do so! I don't, however, think you need a nuclear weapon or an assault rifle to defend your property, or to hunt deer for that matter.
You and the other people whining about it, are the only ones saying it does.
More importantly, just be smart enough to get the order right and give the correct change. If you must count it back in spanish, that's OK as long as you can count. Most of the english speaking kids can't.
Agreed! My muslim friends pray five or six times a day, but they don't try to make me pray with them. What nice people they are.
My heroes are Albert Einstein, Robert Reich, Bill Gates (for his philanthropic endeavors), Ghandi, teachers, US soldiers, our founding fathers, and my parents.
I do pity those less fortunate than my self and want to help them. The government has a large reach and ability to help on a massive scale so I'm glad our tax dollars help them out. I'm really glad right now because of my out-of-work status.
I don't hate the "rich". I despise the "irresponsible, greedy rich" who have preyed on others and ruined our economy, rather than making their money ethically.
Wrestling? Really? You felt the need to throw that in there?
As a proud American, I think we have to learn from the past mistakes of our country and be proud of the fact that we have moved forward together. That's where teachers come in.
Me too! I like it the way it is. What I love is the way we have freedom to change. Since I'm from "here" and don't have anywhere to "go back to", if I don't like something, I have the right to seek change. If enough people agree with me, it gets changed. There's always recourse to the law, as well. Democracy is a beautiful thing. I'm sure there were people who thought segregation was just fine "the way it is" at one time. We changed that. If YOU don't like it here, I hear Somalia is looking for some rugged individualists who know how to use a gun.
He became an ordained Baptist minister in 1968. His civil rights efforts took up so much of his time that preaching was put aside. He did play an important role in the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. He actually helped solve a lot of problems during the civil rights era and deserves respect for that. I think even his biggest fans know he has been marginalized in recent years. Income in 2001 was $120,000 salary plus travel expenses from his charitable organizations. Not much different from the heads of a lot of mega charities. I'm sure other income comes from speaking engagements, etc. But of course you can find this information pretty readily on the internet if you could bothered with the truth.
When the data shows that the rates of being pulled over are as skewed as they are, then something is wrong. I do believe most police are good about not profiling. Although it's not pretty, I don't mind my picture on my driver's license either. It actually looks a little better than the one on my profile.
Yeah, we need to pray that the people who hold all the money do the right thing with it. Also please note, it doesn't say Jesus anywhere so it could refer to Brahman, if you are of that religion.
Agreed! But what's too stupid? Non- college degree holders? Non-newspaper readers? If you watch Fox News Network are your voting privileges automatically revoked? Maybe if you can pass the citizenship test that our naturalized citizens do, then you can vote? I'm ALL for that.
Free market at work!
I'm trying but the last administration saw fit to let Wall Street bring down our economy. We will be back on our feet soon. I am a hopeful, hard-working American who believes in our country.
I believe any good parenting, one or two. I do think more is better, hence the village. There would be fewer single parents if our children were taught all methods of birth control in our schools. There are studies that show this is true, but it is easier to remain ignorant and complain about single mothers.
What the hell are you talking about? You lost me there. I believe an 'elephant' is an elephant no matter what the zoologist thinks? I think lawyers and judges are well-educated enough to understand the law.
Try to sell that to the local Irish neighborhood or to the Sons of Italy hall in Little Italy. Hope you bring that firearm of yours.
No, not a BAD American, just intolerant. I really want to share my country with you but you won't accept it.
Trust me, after the last eight years I know EXACTLY how you feel.
Below is the email with my commentary in red:
YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
I Am the Liberal-Progressives Worst Nightmare.
I Am the Liberal-Progressive, YOUR worst nightmare.
I am an American.
I am an American, too. So far we're in agreement?
I am a Master Mason and believe in God.
I am a master out-of-work sales professional and believe in people.
I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles and believe in American products.
I drive a Ford Focus and applaud the fact that you ride a Harley Davidson. It helps with our energy dependence on foreign countries. Do you drive it year round? If you do, it's nice that you live somewhere where the climate is warmer. Of course, before long we all will, unless we start driving vehicles with better mileage and using mass transit.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some Liberal governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!
I am a proud American taxpayer, who helps pay for roads, bridges, schools, law enforcement and those less fortunate than myself.I also pay the salary and medical expenses for the brave men and women of our armed forces who defend my liberty. A true patriot is happy to pay for these things.
I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!
Me, too, I guess. Just remember, though, if you touch your feelings too often people will begin to talk.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
It's your right to do so! I don't, however, think you need a nuclear weapon or an assault rifle to defend your property, or to hunt deer for that matter.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything. Get over it!
You and the other people whining about it, are the only ones saying it does.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
More importantly, just be smart enough to get the order right and give the correct change. If you must count it back in spanish, that's OK as long as you can count. Most of the english speaking kids can't.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
Agreed! My muslim friends pray five or six times a day, but they don't try to make me pray with them. What nice people they are.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and Willie G. Davidson that makes the awesome Harley Davidson Motorcycles.
My heroes are Albert Einstein, Robert Reich, Bill Gates (for his philanthropic endeavors), Ghandi, teachers, US soldiers, our founding fathers, and my parents.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I do pity those less fortunate than my self and want to help them. The government has a large reach and ability to help on a massive scale so I'm glad our tax dollars help them out. I'm really glad right now because of my out-of-work status.
I don't hate the "rich". I despise the "irresponsible, greedy rich" who have preyed on others and ruined our economy, rather than making their money ethically.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.
Wrestling? Really? You felt the need to throw that in there?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.
As a proud American, I think we have to learn from the past mistakes of our country and be proud of the fact that we have moved forward together. That's where teachers come in.
I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA .We like it the way it is! If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.
Me too! I like it the way it is. What I love is the way we have freedom to change. Since I'm from "here" and don't have anywhere to "go back to", if I don't like something, I have the right to seek change. If enough people agree with me, it gets changed. There's always recourse to the law, as well. Democracy is a beautiful thing. I'm sure there were people who thought segregation was just fine "the way it is" at one time. We changed that. If YOU don't like it here, I hear Somalia is looking for some rugged individualists who know how to use a gun.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?
He became an ordained Baptist minister in 1968. His civil rights efforts took up so much of his time that preaching was put aside. He did play an important role in the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. He actually helped solve a lot of problems during the civil rights era and deserves respect for that. I think even his biggest fans know he has been marginalized in recent years. Income in 2001 was $120,000 salary plus travel expenses from his charitable organizations. Not much different from the heads of a lot of mega charities. I'm sure other income comes from speaking engagements, etc. But of course you can find this information pretty readily on the internet if you could bothered with the truth.
I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.
When the data shows that the rates of being pulled over are as skewed as they are, then something is wrong. I do believe most police are good about not profiling. Although it's not pretty, I don't mind my picture on my driver's license either. It actually looks a little better than the one on my profile.
I think it's good.... And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.
Yeah, we need to pray that the people who hold all the money do the right thing with it. Also please note, it doesn't say Jesus anywhere so it could refer to Brahman, if you are of that religion.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
Agreed! But what's too stupid? Non- college degree holders? Non-newspaper readers? If you watch Fox News Network are your voting privileges automatically revoked? Maybe if you can pass the citizenship test that our naturalized citizens do, then you can vote? I'm ALL for that.
I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause.
Free market at work!
Get a Job and do your part!
I'm trying but the last administration saw fit to let Wall Street bring down our economy. We will be back on our feet soon. I am a hopeful, hard-working American who believes in our country.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I believe any good parenting, one or two. I do think more is better, hence the village. There would be fewer single parents if our children were taught all methods of birth control in our schools. There are studies that show this is true, but it is easier to remain ignorant and complain about single mothers.
I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.
What the hell are you talking about? You lost me there. I believe an 'elephant' is an elephant no matter what the zoologist thinks? I think lawyers and judges are well-educated enough to understand the law.
I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA !
Try to sell that to the local Irish neighborhood or to the Sons of Italy hall in Little Italy. Hope you bring that firearm of yours.
If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
No, not a BAD American, just intolerant. I really want to share my country with you but you won't accept it.
We want our country back!
Trust me, after the last eight years I know EXACTLY how you feel.
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